little things make my day

It's so weird what makes me happy. I'm down two lbs on the scale, which is great. I don't know how I did it - there has still been nightly beer drinking b.c. of my writing - but I'll take it with gratitude.

I'm a little stressed about going home for the holidays though. Last year I had a 22 lb weight loss and it was noticeable in my face but that won't be the uncomfortable part. I hate it when my family watches what I eat. They know I'm making this change and they make jokes about my food choices when I do have a piece of home-made pie, or I do share a cinnamon bun with the boyfriend. It's frustrating! Argh.

But - and I say this with total love - fuck 'em. I can't do this while worrying about what people think! How incredibly hard that must be. I can only focus on me and mine and let the rest worry about their business.

Besides, I still have a month to prep myself. My, how I love Christmas!

my cousin sucks... and rocks

My cousin joined Herbal Magic Weight Loss and lost 50+ lbs over the last six months.

I kind of hate her now.

I say that with total love.

It's that jealousy thing, you know. I'm not such an amazing person that I don't feel jealousy. It's just so hard to see. Her uncle is one of my best friends and he is constantly updating me on her status then asks me "So how are you doing?".

Yeah. Fuck you (with love).

It's not about comparing stats! I know that. But I *ahem* don't have any stats. And when she rocks out an amazing accomplishment like that (even with those creepy appetite suppression pills!) I get happy for her, angry at myself, sad for myself.

It's complex, yo'.

Tomorrow (or today - it is 3:35 am....) I promise to log all my food. It's a freaking baby step and one that I need to do. I just get overwhelmed when I fall off the wagon. There's so much to get back into. Tracking food, drinking water, going for walks, getting my ass nomadic again. SIGH.

Baby steps.

chilly mornings make me crawl back to bed

{photo source}

Since I started living on the coast, I have come to appreciate the coldness of a Prairie Winter. I appreciate the cold hard winds, the bone-chilling numbness and the dryness of it all. There's something so satisfying about knowing you'll be cold outside and warm inside.

Here, on the coast, you're just always cold. As the morning fog creeps away and the grey of the day settles in for the long haul, my apartment is cold. I have hardwood floors so my feet are cold. I'm wearing a tank that I slept in so my arms and hands are cold. All this just means that the warmest place is the bed that I left.

I will go back to bed. I'm a writer with weird hours so I'm a night owl, easily. And I've only managed a few hours of sleep so far. But cold - it's always harder in the cold.

The damp and wet feeling of the day makes me crave hot latte's, hot chocolate, pumpkin pie, cinnamon and apple pie, turkey and roast potatoes. A time for snuggling under the blankets, candles flickering, a fireplace roaring with flames. A time for baked goods, warm pastries and heavenly smells. I want comfort food and it doesn't help that I'm on Aunt Flo.

But... we must make do. Small sacrifices. I may not get all that, but I'll get a fantastic, freshly-ground cup of coffee over a latte any day. I'll get lean turkey breast and a wonderful salad instead. I'll bite a small square of dark chocolate over hot chocolate.

I'm going to focus on a healthy balance and awareness this month. I want to keep myself focused on what I'm eating and how that affects me. I want to food journal everything while maintaining my water intake as well.

a chilly Fall morning

{photograph: David Wise}

I woke up this morning, after a very late night, and sat at the computer. I work at the computer a lot. As a student in writing, I write. As a blogger with four active blogs, I blog. And there is emails, facebook and catching up on my other blogs.

I don't mind this time. It's a "me" time. I can just let my brain wake up slowly and get into the flow of things. I really enjoy taking my time in the morning, especially as the chill of Fall breezes through the city. Leaves are changing colour, days are getting shorter and a cup of coffee freshly brewed tastes fantastic.

Except I didn't have coffee.

A time for change. I drank my first glass of water this morning, mixed with some lemon juice.

I want to get my eight glasses a day in, and I am going to get my eight glasses a day in.

It seems like such a small goal but it isn't. I have always struggled with hydrating my body enough. After four or five cups, you kind of just get tired. Of peeing alll thhheee tttiiimmmmeee. But enough of that. I believe in positive thinking. I believe in change. And we all start somewhere.

Today, I start with water.

Tomorrow, the world.

ETA: got my eight glasses in!