northern living is good for me

(i'm on the right but no face, so that's cool!)

I've been boating. Walking. Talking. Moving. Going for drives. Drinking. A lot of drinking. Hanging out. Chatting. Eating. Writing. Doing photography work. And losing weight, however unintentional. It is a great thing.

It's not HUGE numbers but for me, I'm ecstatic.

Imagine what it could be like if I didn't drink, lmao.

Sorry. I text blog. I text way too much.

Anyways.

feeling good. Feeling happy.

I spent the weekend with the girl above, who is one of my cousins, and another girl. Both who I grew up with. Both of who love me for me.

And I was insanely envious of their bodies. Strong and powerful, curvy and slim. It didn't matter the type. They were healthy and strong and yeah... I wanted that.

Is is both inspiration and a kick in the teeth, that's for sure.

back and back

I am living at home. I haven't forgotten about my blog. I'm just involved with life here.

I get jealous a lot. I hate it. One of my cousins, I think I've mentioned her before, has dropped 70 lbs on Herbal Magic. She still takes those weight suppressant pills though, so once she's off that... damn. And the evil bitch inside me is... kinda happy about that.

I'm just saying.

I'm trying not to focus on her and focus on me. This isn't a race. This isn't a competition. This is my life.

I haven't really lost any weight. By the time I left Vancouver, I was up to 325 again. Today, I was 317.5. I'm happy with it and I know it's because I don't have take-out at my disposal like I did before. I'm eating a ton more red meat, a ton more carbs. It's Northern Cooking. But i'm also moving more.

There were days in Vancouver where I wouldn't leave the house, sitting in front of the computer all day. Scary, but true. Now, I'm lucky to get an hour of time in front of the computer. I'm so damn busy.

I keep trying. That all I can do.

oollllaaaa

Easter was a total bitch. Yes, I did have chocolate but I'm not worried about that. Blah. Whatevs. It was an emotional bitchfest. Man oh man, I wanted to be home. It's not like Easter is a big deal in our house but my Dad celebrated 60 years on the 1st and my god-daughter was baptized on the 4th and damn. I should have been home but I couldn't since I was here. Blah.

In other news, my food diary has gone to shit. Getting back on that.

No gain, which is good.

More water, which is freaking great. It's getting to that point where I crave it now and I feel really gross without it.

Also *cough cough* more beer, which isn't as great. In my pitiful defense, I am moving so every social occasion turns into a drinkfest. Which I kind of love, I'm not going to lie. But I am going to make the most of every occasion here, while I have it.

Just drink more water, ha!

food diary

- 2 c. water
- leftovers: 1/2 c. brown rice with chicken and veggies
- 2 tsp. soy sauce

- 10 crackers, no salt
- way too much chocolate bunny... die, chocolate bunny! Die!

moon cycle

In the past six months, my periods have been right on with the Moon cycle. Every full moon, I start my flow. It's a little TMI but I think it's really interesting.

My professor, who's Dogrib (I'm First Nations as well), tells me it's because my power is strong here and being in tune with Nature is a way of rooting it and grounding it so I can use my power.

I like that.

But what is also gives me is heavy cravings. MacAttack last night and did I eat. I did feel super-gross and greasy afterwards but I refused to let myself feel shame.

So I failed.

SO I faltered.

that doesn't mean I should give up.

That doesn't mean I should stop.

Everyone makes mistakes.

And it was good to let go of that "punishment" set of mind.

It felt good to let it go and focus on my next steps, my nest success.

food diary

- 4 eggs, scrambled
- 3 whole wheat toast
- 1 tbsp light margarine
- 2 c. water

- 2 c. water
- 1 grapefruit, large

- 1 grande caramel machiatto

- mcd's meal...SIGH

- 1 venti caramel machiatto

food diary

- 2 egg sandwiches with whole wheat bread
- 1 tbsp ketchup
- 2 c. water

- 1 apple
- 1 c. water

- 2 handfuls chips
- 3 teeny pitas with hummus
- 1 chocolate chip cookie
- 1 venti skinny london fog

- 3 c. water