running around in circles

This photoblog of food has really opened my eyes. Holleee. I like me my Starbucks and sweets. and I really, truly am horrible at this water drinking thing.

I sometimes wonder what my trigger is going to be. Most of the super-successful weight loss people I talk have had that "aha" moment. The "enough is enough" moment. I don't know if I had that yet.

I want to lose the weight, of course. I am very unhappy with this body - and that's putting it mildly. I went to a play on last Thursday and I was barely able to squeeze into the seats. I was so uncomfortable and self-conscious. I was with my boyfriend and a friend and her new boyfriend. I was acutely aware of my rolls slipping onto her side of the seat and I was thinking "how does he see me? Does he see how amazingly funny I am or does he see my size?" It was humbling and while I really don't care how he sees me anyways (he's kind of a twat), I was thinking about my weight all night. It inhibited me and I hate that.

great pictures but where am I?

While I have been great for the last three days about my food journal (both in pictures and in ink) I have had no time for actual blogging. At least not on this blog. I'm taking the week to document my food intake, see where I'm at, to weigh in, and to to see where I can improve. Small steps, small steps.

I'm excited though, already. Documenting my food has always been a goal of mine - especially in pictures - because I need to see what I'm eating. Portion sizes, drinks, what triggers a binge and so forth.

oranges, oranges, oranges

I eat oranges a lot. Especially since the large Navel oranges came back. Nom nom nom. Some days, I only eat oranges. That's how much I love them. I'm trying to teach myself that too much of one thing is never a good thing. I can't get any protein, carbs, healthy fats or vegetables from eating oranges all day.

No matter how good they taste.

What are some of your food weaknesses? The food that you can eat all day? Everyday?

and she's back from the hiding

I don't know about this sometimes.

I'm not really doing anything to "lose" weight. I'm not tracking calories. I'm not exercising more. I'm not drinking water. I'm not keeping a food journal. Hell, I wasn't even blogging about my weight or feelings or anything like that.

I just kind of vanished.

It's hard to face myself when I'm failing. It's such an unusual state for me. Ha! That sounds super-vain but I usually succeed at almost everything I try. I'm very blessed.

But then I try and try and try to lose weight where, really, the only obstacle is myself and I FAIL... big time. So frustrating. So disheartening.

But I'm back. Facing the mirror. Doing it right. Trying again.

Hello 2010.

well, that didn't work out.

Life just got in the way.

It's always something. I will be doing it again, as part of those crazy new year things where everyone is motivated to go to the gym and get healthy.

But I will.

The boyfriend bought roller-blades yesterday. I'll be getting some after Christmas. We plan to blade around Stanley Park. I think the first time I'll bike and then after I get some local areas down with the blades, Ill try the Park. It is insane. I wobble like a kid learning to walk when I blade, but it's fun and it's active and it's something that me and the man can do together.

I'm excited and happy still. I'm doing crazy well on my thesis and I feel good about that. Now that my mind is in a good place, my body should follow. I'm even drinking water as I type. Woohoo for water.

little things make my day

It's so weird what makes me happy. I'm down two lbs on the scale, which is great. I don't know how I did it - there has still been nightly beer drinking b.c. of my writing - but I'll take it with gratitude.

I'm a little stressed about going home for the holidays though. Last year I had a 22 lb weight loss and it was noticeable in my face but that won't be the uncomfortable part. I hate it when my family watches what I eat. They know I'm making this change and they make jokes about my food choices when I do have a piece of home-made pie, or I do share a cinnamon bun with the boyfriend. It's frustrating! Argh.

But - and I say this with total love - fuck 'em. I can't do this while worrying about what people think! How incredibly hard that must be. I can only focus on me and mine and let the rest worry about their business.

Besides, I still have a month to prep myself. My, how I love Christmas!

internet food diaries

I am keeping notes of my food in a journal I keep in my purse - that way it's always with me. But I also want to throw this on the web. I just can't decide the best way to do it.

How do you do it? What works for you? What don't you like? Are pictures awesome or annoying?

Me, I like clean simple lines. I need to take a look around the blogosphere to see some styles.