back and back

I am living at home. I haven't forgotten about my blog. I'm just involved with life here.

I get jealous a lot. I hate it. One of my cousins, I think I've mentioned her before, has dropped 70 lbs on Herbal Magic. She still takes those weight suppressant pills though, so once she's off that... damn. And the evil bitch inside me is... kinda happy about that.

I'm just saying.

I'm trying not to focus on her and focus on me. This isn't a race. This isn't a competition. This is my life.

I haven't really lost any weight. By the time I left Vancouver, I was up to 325 again. Today, I was 317.5. I'm happy with it and I know it's because I don't have take-out at my disposal like I did before. I'm eating a ton more red meat, a ton more carbs. It's Northern Cooking. But i'm also moving more.

There were days in Vancouver where I wouldn't leave the house, sitting in front of the computer all day. Scary, but true. Now, I'm lucky to get an hour of time in front of the computer. I'm so damn busy.

I keep trying. That all I can do.

Rework This

I'm going to have the most "I'm back!" posts ever. But I'm not back. I'm not even close to being back. I'm just trying to claw my way back into a food awareness. That is a food journal. Something tactile that I can actually put in my purse and take out and write in. That is key. I always say that I can remember what I put in my mouth but I don't think I can. I try and forget it. Try to forget how I'm sabotaging myself.

I also feel like these blog posts have to be long and concise and deep. I read some amazing blogs, people with inspiring words, but I swear. I can't be deep and inspiring alll thhhee ttiimmmee. Some days I struggle and I just want to write a bitch-post. To whine. To say WHY ME? And others I'm full of happiness and joy and I want to share that.

So I'm just going to keep this as true as possible. I need to be honest and me and that means sometimes being whiny, being a bitch or being super-happy. That's what i need in order to keep blogging about this.

Now get to it, girl.