twenty and six today

I've been floating in a food fog the last couple of days. Not really aware that I'm eating, not listening to my body, not watching what I eat. My emotional upheaval has wreaked havoc on my relationship with my man, my classwork and my thesis. And this needs to stop.

I'm turning twenty six today and damned if I'll go through another year of no change. Of no awareness. Of no personal growth and no loss of weight. I need this and damnit, I deserve this.

It is weird how emotional damage really screws you up. I could handle this if I broke my arm or something. But when someone breaks my heart? That's a whole other story. The good news is he and I are working it through and getting help - we do love one another and we've decided that this relationship deserves 110% effort. So we're doing it.

the bad news being that I'm eating shit like donuts and thinking fuck him, he can love me fat. Which is pretty twisted, as I'm only hurting myself.

But I never claimed to be rational.

We are going to be a healthy home. I have plans for us. Belief in us. We both do. It starts with cleaning out the cupboards and taking out a cook book and making a grocery list.

Here I am, yet again.

trying to be a healthy home

The man and I had a serious talk. We've both been feeling unhealthy in a lot of areas of our life and we decided that we need to do this together. Try to do our best to create a healthy home base so we can start becoming healthier in other areas. What that means, to us, is that we eat healthy foods, create healthy meals and keep healthy snacks. Lots of water and fruit & veggie juices. Lots of vegetables period. More meal planning. Shopping for groceries together. Just keeping on top of it.

I'm glad. I'm relieved.

We also talked about getting more physical. For him, that means more skating, rollerblading, etc. He wants to get active and go out and sight see. For me, I would rather go on a photo-walk or walk on a beach. I just want to work on getting out of the house for pleasure, rather than work out. So we're going to places like Stanley Park so he can rollerblade and I can take photos. Or we're heading to the beach so I can lounge and he can rollerblade. It's a start and I hope to start biking when I move back home. I love biking.

SO that's where we are. It's good. A nice feeling.

and my tummy is stuffed

So. We ate supper - rice and chicken with lots of veggies - and watch some TV. Mind you, I've only been up since 3 PM, and so supper for me is bfast. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

So we eat and watch some TV. And I'm nibbling on everything. I think I ate seven oranges, 2 apples, three pieces of ww bread. I'm just eating.

And I notice that the boyfriend hasn't eaten a thing!

He actually ate enough at supper to fill himself up, but not so much that he was stuffed. And he wasn't snacking. he ate, he met that food requirement his body needed, and he was busy doing something else.

Damn. Daaaaamn.

He's good.

He just didn't eat. How crazy is that?

I'm inspired by him. I think for a day, I'll eat like him. Just to see what it feels like.