oollllaaaa

Easter was a total bitch. Yes, I did have chocolate but I'm not worried about that. Blah. Whatevs. It was an emotional bitchfest. Man oh man, I wanted to be home. It's not like Easter is a big deal in our house but my Dad celebrated 60 years on the 1st and my god-daughter was baptized on the 4th and damn. I should have been home but I couldn't since I was here. Blah.

In other news, my food diary has gone to shit. Getting back on that.

No gain, which is good.

More water, which is freaking great. It's getting to that point where I crave it now and I feel really gross without it.

Also *cough cough* more beer, which isn't as great. In my pitiful defense, I am moving so every social occasion turns into a drinkfest. Which I kind of love, I'm not going to lie. But I am going to make the most of every occasion here, while I have it.

Just drink more water, ha!

my cousin sucks... and rocks

My cousin joined Herbal Magic Weight Loss and lost 50+ lbs over the last six months.

I kind of hate her now.

I say that with total love.

It's that jealousy thing, you know. I'm not such an amazing person that I don't feel jealousy. It's just so hard to see. Her uncle is one of my best friends and he is constantly updating me on her status then asks me "So how are you doing?".

Yeah. Fuck you (with love).

It's not about comparing stats! I know that. But I *ahem* don't have any stats. And when she rocks out an amazing accomplishment like that (even with those creepy appetite suppression pills!) I get happy for her, angry at myself, sad for myself.

It's complex, yo'.

Tomorrow (or today - it is 3:35 am....) I promise to log all my food. It's a freaking baby step and one that I need to do. I just get overwhelmed when I fall off the wagon. There's so much to get back into. Tracking food, drinking water, going for walks, getting my ass nomadic again. SIGH.

Baby steps.

things i tell myself

This was from A Merry Life (love that girl):

What do you say to yourself about yourself? Is it positive? Is it negative?
Have you had to change it from negative to positive like I have?

What do I tell myself?

Honestly, it changes from day to day. Yesterday, for example, I was feeling good. I was in a good place mentally and emotionally. I told myself, over the course of the day:

1. Your hair rocks bitch. Work it out. Huh-uh. (then I danced)
2. Wow. Damn girl. Your eye make-up is taking it to the next level. Don't be afraid. Go there! (and then I took a thousand photos of myself)
3. Your ass may be flat because you've been sitting at that chair for hours but you have rocked out fifty pages of thesis-writing in less than a week. Go have that beer. (and then I drank)
4. Housecleaning is for wussies. (that had no relevance but I thought it!)

But don't get wrong, I have the bad days still. The days where I realize my jeans are snug, or that this middle tire is more prominent than I would like or when my boyfriend hugs me and I realize he has to lean over to hug me and we haven't hugged standing up straight in a long time - because my belly gets in the way.

I need to find pictures of that....